One reader made an excellent comment I'd like to respond to with the following:
By arguing that sexuality is developed later in life, and that people change their sexual preferences over time, many Christians have argued that sexuality is therefore not a part of one's identity and should not be regarded thus. Sexuality in that sense is unlike race or gender. However, being Christians, there is clearly a flaw in their logic: Religion is also something developed later in life, and may change over time. How then can we argue that religion is part of one's identity? While religion unlike sexuality, is protected under the Constitution, I think this particular argument against accepting a homosexual identity flawed and unhelpful. Many things contribute to one's identity - family, school, language, style, activities - all of which are developed over time.
Fundamentally, the question then becomes, what is the difference between religion and sexuality? They're not just categories. What would you say? Religion is what you _____ and sexuality is what you _______.
Before I give my answer, let me be clear: For the sake of this argument, whether you consider yourself "religious" or "spiritual" or a "free thinker" or a "conservative" - I consider these all versions of religion - terms that that refer to one's set of beliefs about what is true, and what is good. Sexuality, for this argument, I'll define as how someone chooses to be fulfilled sexually.
So... I filled in the blanks thus: Religion is what you believe, and sexuality is what you want. If you generally agree with these categories, their difference should be clear. What someone truly believes about how the world is and should be is the overarching decision-maker in their system. In any society it should be master of the desires and appetites and train the body and mind with wisdom, discipline, and civilization. It doesn't sound very exciting, but this is one of the primary factors that differentiates us from animals.
Both religion and sexuality clearly influence identity, but certainly not in the same way. The attempt to equalizing religion and sexuality by saying that both are part of your identity is like saying that a teacher and an eraser are both part of a classroom. The executive nature of the one far exceeds the presence of the other in importance and scope. Sexuality only impacts you to the extent that your personal beliefs allow it, or as much as you allow your beliefs to be impacted by it.
Someone with a "Carpe Diem" tattoo is going to get upset at this notion, but while feelings and desires should be explored and enjoyed, wisdom should be the ultimate referee of our actions. And clearly, true wisdom is not the destroyer of fun, but the enabler. Wisdom dictates that saving, getting out of debt, and budgeting helps us to have leftover money for Disneyworld. Wisdom teaches us that eating well and exercising means we can look sexy on the beach or run a 5K. And wisdom shows us that waiting to have sex until it's done in the right way at the right time with the right person means we'll be a lot happier in the long run.
Where does this so-called wisdom come from? Well, research and experience etc. But these are only factors that influence what is ultimately filtered through the framework of our religion - in other words, the questions we can't study scientifically, the "why"s of the universe, the value judgments about what is ultimately true, good, and important. Regardless of how other factors may influence you, which answers you choose to believe, or what pieces of evidence you will consider the most important - your ultimate answers - come from your personal religious beliefs.
Note that I haven't made any statements prioritizing one religion over another. That's because I have faith that most people's fundamental beliefs are basically good. I believe that people are born with a basic sense of right and wrong, and that if that sense is followed throughout life, one's religion or worldview or personal philosophy will also be basically good. When sexuality, or appetite, or addictions, or any other type of preferences is regarded at the same level as religion, or allowed to dictate religious belief, we lose the executive that directs us to be moral, civilized, thoughtful people and lose all the privileges that wisdom offers us. Regardless of your sexual inclinations or sexual choices, at the end of the day they should be guided by, and not dictate, one's religious beliefs.
In conclusion, while we may claim many things that contribute to who we are, our religious identity should be seen as one of the most important, above sexual identity, vegetarian identity, or kid-from-the-suburbs identity, because it is and should be the executive function of our actions. We should believe in and act on the truest, best things we know, regardless of our own personal behavior, because what we choose to believe will dictate our actions, and ultimately, who we will become.
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