"Ladies and Gentlemen" (or, The Purpose of Princesses)

Every four-year old American girl worships princesses...Disney ones especially. My niece and my friend's daughters have princess clothing, bikes, dishes, dolls, makeup cases, bedsheets, coloring books...even a princess fishing pole. I have rolled my eyes at this obsession, partly due to my aversion to hot pink, and possibly because when I was four, I had an older brother, so naturally my toys of preference were his Ninja Turtle action figures.

Just in case you didn't believe me.

My husband has a pet peeve against royalty as well, but the real kind. He refused to watch the wedding of Prince William and Kate and mocked others for doing so. "That's the reason we CAME to America! Because we didn't want royalty!" He argues, rightly so, that the idea of one individual or family receiving government-sponsored wealth, honor, and privileges at the expense of everyone else is fundamentally un-democratic, and we should stop envying and adoring the products of that system.

Some people go beyond royalty and even have issues with the terms "lady" and "gentleman". One recent blog post recommended never addressing a group of women as "ladies". It's better to say "people" or "folks", they say, to avoid making women feel labeled by their gender.

I have recently discovered that princesses actually have an important purpose, along with royalty in general and the terms "lady" and "gentleman". Let me share a book that illustrates why:

In the story of The Princess and the Goblin, George MacDonald spins a delightful tale about a little 8 year-old princess and a miner boy who fight against goblins threatening to kidnap her and take over the kingdom. Along the way, the author occasionally points out (in a quaint, turn-of-the-century way) some of the things we should know about princesses:

"Lootie! Lootie! I promised a kiss," cried Irene 

"A princess mustn't give kisses. It's not at all proper," said Lootie. 

"But I promised," said the princess. 

"There's no occasion; he's only a miner-boy." 

"He's a good boy, and a brave boy, and he has been very kind to us. Lootie! Lootie! I promised." 

"Then you shouldn't have promised." 

"Lootie, I promised him a kiss." 

"Your Royal Highness," said Lootie, suddenly grown very respectful, "must come in directly." 

"Nurse, a princess must not break her word," said Irene, drawing herself up and standing stock-still.... 

She never forgot Curdie, but him she remembered for his own sake, and indeed would have remembered him if only because a princess never forgets her debts until they are paid...

Subtle comments like this throughout the book explain that princesses are polite, brave, and respectful. Princesses keep their promises. Princesses reward those who have shown kindness. Princesses aren't haughty about their credentials. Princesses never look down at others who have worse behavior than they. As one critic said of MacDonald's book and its sequel, they “quietly suggest in every incident ideas of courage and honor." Do these sound like frivolous or sexist or outdated characteristics? No way! We still teach these to little girls today!

The clue to the author's intentions are at the very beginning of the book:

"But Mr. Author, why do you always write about princesses?" 

"Because every little girl is a princess." 

"You will make them vain if you tell them that." 

"Not if they understand what I mean." 

"Then what do you mean?" 

"What do you mean by a princess?" 

"The daughter of a king." 

"Very well, then every little girl is a princess, and there would be no need to say anything about it, except that she is always in danger of forgetting her rank, and behaving as if she had grown out of the mud. I have seen little princesses behave like children of thieves and lying beggars, and that is why they need to be told they are princesses. And that is why when I tell a story of this kind, I like to tell it about a princess. Then I can say better what I mean, because I can then give her every beautiful thing I want her to have."

Notice that the archetypal princess is not about superiority to other people. In reality, there are no commoners. Peasants and commoners are background characters representing the ordinary, every-day version of mankind, something that we each have a royal duty - nay, a destiny - to rise above. So, why should we be okay with princesses? Because princesses remind us of our best selves. Royalty serve as the example for how a "lady" and a "gentleman" behave. 

In the book, the nobility of Princess Irene is juxtaposed against the crudeness of the goblins. They live underground, they kidnap and rob people, they're rude and they don't wear shoes and they make fun of the humans whose kingdom they plan to overthrow. The goblins in this story aren't just ugly and unusual - they are also uncivilized. Being "civilized" is what allows us to create and sustain "civilization"; it is what distinguishes us from animals and Lord of the Flies. It incorporates more human attributes like honesty, tolerance, and justice, as well as even more refined qualities such as grace, modesty, kindness, cleanliness, restraint, and sophistication. When we call a woman or girl a "lady" we are not categorizing her; we are complimenting her. She shows mastery of her appetites and passions. She possesses high morals and noble intentions. She is the kind of person we want our daughters to look up to.

What's more, the author makes it clear that the term "princess" (and "lady") does not refer only to a select group of outwardly refined individuals. "Every girl is a princess" he wrote, because every girl, as a daughter of God, is a "royal" creation from birth, and therefore has the innate (I might say, God-given) power and potential to rise to that identity. Another children's book character from the same era repeated this sentiment:

I am a princess. All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics. Even if they dress in rags, even if they aren't pretty, or smart, or young. They're still princesses. All of us. Didn't your father ever tell you that?

-Sarah Crewe, A Little Princess

It's cliche. It's beautiful.

If every girl is a princess, then clearly every boy is a prince too (or a knight, or whatever you prefer). This concept applies equally to the term "gentleman", or even simply "man" (read a wonderful article about the portrayal of gentlemen in fiction here): "Be a man!" You hear people say occasionally - maybe when a guy wants to break up with someone via text, or when he's scared to go on the Tower of Terror. The expression does NOT mean "Be male! Have a penis! Grow facial hair!" Being a "man" or a "gentleman" refers to a set of qualities that we think civilized human males ought to demonstrate. In this case, being a man means having strength, bravery, and taking responsibility... qualities that, while socially constructed, make for a strong civil society. To use another Disney example, The Lion King uses royalty to show the tranformation of Simba from "I just can't wait to be king" because he thinks it will be fun, to the Simba who learns to "remember who you are" and that being king means taking responsibility. 

On a final note: Admiring and complimenting "ladies" and "gentlemen" does not imply that certain characteristics are reserved for only members of one gender vs. another - no more than giving someone a compliment means giving everyone else in the world an insult. They simply provide role models and a framework for how men and women can each adopt and demonstrate all good and noble characteristics. Princes and princesses, ladies and gentlemen - these are socially constructed ideas that promote socially healthy behaviors for everyone involved. Can you imagine how society would change if everyone truly saw themselves and every other person as a "lady" or a "gentleman"?

Sippy cup Belle 

Actual Belle

Despite their delicate appearance on sippy cups and pink sneakers, in their movies, Disney princesses demonstrate qualities like bravery, determination, kindness, and honesty. They set goals (most of which do not revolve around men!) and overcome obstacles to achieve them. Those are the kind of role models we should want for our little girls.

The purpose of princesses is simple: to remind us that we are better than that, whether "that" is the behavior of "commoners" or animals or even our current selves. We each have the capacity to be something greater than we believe - a far better, stronger, more beautiful and refined version of ourselves than we can imagine. We rise above our "natural man" by putting on the robes of divine royalty that have already been laid out for us, and living the morals that we attribute to our fictional royal heroes and heroines. There are no commoners. We are sons and daughters of a King.